The Wolverine Chronicles

Scarlett O'help me

2009-04-28T09:21:00.000-07:00

So I told myself I wouldn't do this. I have felt the draw of "Scarlett O'hara" stuff. It's not what I wanted for you. It is cheesy and kind of white trash but I can't help it. It started when your dad's friend Tom bought you a figurine. It was cute enough but when I saw the Madame Alexander doll I went crazy for it. It was so cute with it's giant eyes and it's "cotton field"dress. They have others and I know I'll get the rest. I love them. Help.

good bye you beautiful toupe

2009-04-28T09:03:00.000-07:00

Baby, you are getting too big. I don't like it. You eat food, you sleep all night (that's okay I guess), you play with your toys (instead of just looking at them), you are into everything, you are desperate to walk. I feel like it's happening too fast. Your toupe is becoming a bob haircut. Worst of all you aren't jabba fat anymore. You are still fat but not what your dad would call "fork lift fat" (you would have to be moved with a forklift and a wall would have to be removed to get you out of the house because you are trapped). You are moving into your own room. I can't believe how old you are. You have been with us for 8 months. I know we are going to have so much fun together but your changes are bittersweet. I know soon we won't have "milky minutes" together and you'll be talking. You won't want me to rock you to sleep. You won't find it hilarious when I bite you. So stop it. Stop getting bigger.

good dog

2009-04-08T11:42:00.000-07:00

Found you halfway out the doggie door today. You also like to stick your hand in the VCR. You are gonna be trouble.

Bailey's birthday

2009-04-03T13:20:00.000-07:00

We went to DC for your cousin Bailey's first birthday. She is so cute and big since the last time I saw her. She is dainty and skinny- so sweet and delicate, a ballerina, always pointing her toes. She is taller but you outweigh her by more than a pound. You are jabba- slobbering and grabbing at her, trying to use her body to climb to a stand. You love her and follow her but she is indifferent to you. Bailey is into adults. She wants people to clap when she eats and to pay attention to her. You just want to play with her toys and not to be held by anyone.

We all had a good time. The cherry trees were beginning to blossom and there were a few nice days of sunshine. Below is my favorite exchange between you and your cousin. .

Biter

2009-03-25T13:05:00.000-07:00

You have 2 teeth now. I am happy to say you only occasionally bite me with them. You were crazy fussy when they were coming in and I thought about giving you to the gypsies. Here they are.

You don't use them to eat food though. You just aren't interested in anything but milk and you refuse to eat. I try to feed you acting like I don't care whether you eat. You are super fat so I don't worry too much about it. I give you some each day and you just blow raspberries with it at me. Here is an example of your spitting technique.

On the move

2009-03-23T13:28:00.000-07:00

You are crawling everywhere. I cannot leave you for even a second because you are getting into everything. You also try and take the dogs' toys away from them. There is a big tote of your toys in the living room and you could care less about them. You go to the dogs' toys everytime. I even put your toys in front of them so you couldn't really see them but you still would find a way to put that stinky stuffed vulture dog toy in your mouth. You started to pull yourself up on things a couple weeks ago but now you do it constantly. You are always standing in your crib when I come to get you and you climb my legs everytime I sit down. I can see you trying to climb up the chairs at the bar too so I am really in for trouble.

Mullet envy

2009-03-20T13:53:00.000-07:00

We went to AZ to meet your cousin Lucy. She is Uncle Mikey and Auntie Maren's first. She is so cute and has a delicious mullet. She was born with that white trash masterpiece on her head. So your toupe fit right in. We all had a great time trying to steal eachother's babies. She cries- or screams- like a baby alligator. It is awesome.

toupe

2009-03-06T16:18:00.000-08:00

Baby, you have a hair problem. At first you had a faux-hawk. now you have a full blown baby toupe. The hair on the top of your head is dark and long and underneath is short and a much lighter color. I hope it doesn't get too light because Scarlett just isn't a blond girl's name (sorry Scarlet Johansen). It is in your eyes and looks crazy and your dad is always trying to cut it himself.

Surprise

2009-03-01T13:51:00.000-08:00

We had a surprise birthday for your dad and all his friends showed up for lunch. He didn't know it was a party for him until 8 of us were at the restaurant and some more of his friends showed up. He just thought his friends all happened to show up at the house to hang out within an hour of eachother. Daddy dum dum. You wore a dress that he said was the cutest thing he'd ever seen you in. Good job mommy. I can't believe I pulled it off. Oh and you were teething so you were red faced and seriously grumpy.

Horseys

2009-02-25T13:48:00.000-08:00

We housesat for Your dad's uncle and aunt in San Marcos for a week. They show Arabian horses and have a sweet Australian shepherd named Lacey. You had a great time pulling her hair and feeding the horses carrots. Sam and Suz came down and stayed for a weekend and we all went to Julian. Good times.

Fat Fat Fatty

2009-02-03T16:27:00.000-08:00

You are getting so fat and I love it. Your legs have rolls. Your dad says you have the thighs of a woman who would be trapped in her house and would have to be removed by a forklift. You are juicy and delicious and I can't get enough of it. I want to suck on your cheeks and bite your soft little arms. You are yum yummy. All my worries that you don't eat enough have faded. 17 pounds and counting. I can't believe how big you are and how much you change each day. It is passing by so quickly I just want to remember how pleasantly plump you are and how much I love to squeeze you and kiss the roll in your neck -fat.

Bubble Mania

2009-01-17T18:16:00.000-08:00

Do you enjoy a luxurious and relaxing bubble bath? Not so much. I got you California Baby bubble bath with lavender and some other junk in it to help you settle down in the bath and get ready for sleepy time. It has had the opposite effect though. It's like you're on speed. You frantically attack the bubbles with a crazed look in your eyes. You splash yourself in the face and it scares you but you carry on. It's pretty funny actually. The first time it happened I thought it was because you were a little overtired but I realize now you have to kill all bubbles. When you run out you crane your neck to see the others waiting for annihilation.

A Squiggy New Year

2009-01-01T12:00:00.000-08:00

Last night was New Year's Eve and Your dad and I got all gussied up to go out to Jon's party. Grandma and Grandpa babysat and it was supposed to be our big night out on the town. It was to be the lastest we'd stayed up (on purpose) since you were born. I even pumped some milk so I could have a drink if I wanted. The whole time at the party I just kept thinking that I wanted to be home with you. I couldn't wait to get home and snuggle and nurse you. You're baby new year.

Temper Temper

2008-12-30T21:18:00.000-08:00

Your Granny T lost it today and screamed at your dad at the top of her lungs. You stuck your bottom lip out and started to cry. I could tell she felt terrible. I know you'll never remember it but it really scared you.

Christmas

2008-12-28T16:17:00.000-08:00

Your dad and I didn't buy you much since you are so little and we aren't raking in the dough right now and you didn't really need anything. I picked out a book in Sedona about a ballet dancing Javalina and I got a little javalina stuffed animal to go with it as well as a javalina ornament. We also got you a silver rattle from the Trading Post. Everyone else went bananas. So, our attempt not to spoil you failed and I fear it will only get harder.

Everyone had a nice day-just calm and mellow and during your evening nap we watched Despereau. Wendy and Fernando came for dinner as well as Mary-Carol, Sarah and Ruthie. Dan came over later and gave Pop a nutcracker Marine he modified to be "the Gunny". You were still sick and didn't go to bed easily that night but all-in-all had a good day.

Baby Jesus

2008-12-26T12:22:00.000-08:00

You were Baby Jesus at Granny T's church on Christmas Eve. Mary, who was about 9 or 10 years old, had a hard time wrangling you because you tried to roll off her lap. I sat behind you in case she needed help and you kept arching your back and trying to get to me. It was your first time crossdressing and you had a great time.

Sedona AZ

2008-12-23T15:01:00.000-08:00

Uncle Sam begged your dad to go to Sedona with him, and in turn, your dad begged me to go with them. So, it was sold to me as a little weekend trip to Arizona. I find out later that Sam's stepmother had a recent knee replacement and will be trying to recover while we're there, and that we will not be leaving LA until around 8pm so Quay will be driving all night (I have never been someone who could sleep in the car). We made it to the house around 3:30am and try to sleep. You wake up all congested and we later learn that Suzie had a fever just the day before the trip. I am hoping yours is just a little allergy to the dust or the dry heat from the furnace or the 5 res(reservation) dogs and 2 cats living in the house. No such luck. It is almost a week since we went and you are still not yourself. Runny nose and tired and fussy. It is not the souvenir I was looking for.

Anyway, we made the best of it. Like everytime we hangout with Sam and Suz we ate and ate and ate and ate. It was cold but we went to Montezuma's Castle and Tizigoot and to the Trading Post to buy some Navajo souvenirs. The boys did some shooting and we went to Slide Rock where everyone swims in the summer. It was goregeous. Sam's parents house is beautiful and since his stepmom is an artist (sculpting mostly) and his dad an aspiring artist the house is full of beautiful sculptures and paintings. The scenery is gorgeous (I can't believe I'd never been) and the town charming, although getting starbucksized. You charmed everyone, like always, and layed the foundation for future trips. I just hope we can do some hiking and horsebackriding next time.

Scarlett's First Annual Christmas Party

2008-12-15T15:53:00.000-08:00

We had a Christmas party for you. Really it was for your dad and I and he decided to do it when you and I were in Boston, but whatever. He thought it would be hilarious to serve kids' food too. There were chicken dino-bites, mac and cheese, pigs in a blanket, a hedgehog shaped bologna platter, fluffer nutters, pb&j's, and spaghetti-o's. It was excellent. Since we only planned it a week ahead of time and it was a busy Christmastime party weekend only about 50 people showed up but it was fun and you got some nice gifts. I think your pop has started a new tradition but maybe we'll serve some more delicious food next year. You dad put his jeep on the front lawn with Christmas lights strewn across it and booze bottles all around with a Santa cutout in the driver's seat like Santa was drunk and crashed there. It was awesome.

Boston

2008-12-10T18:59:00.000-08:00

Your Boston cousins love you. Not that the other cousins don't but the Boston kids go bananas for you. When you scream and vomit on them and poop your pants they still ask to hold you. Jonah is quite good at calming you down and Millie carries you around the house like a pet. Georgie was a sport even though she clearly didn't get as much time with you as they did. They fought over you like a new toy. It made me so happy to see them play with you and change your diapers. I really think I could leave you with them for hours and they would be perfectly happy to take care of you. I had so much fun on our trip. We got our shoppies out and ate plenty of mulligatawny and cannolis and macaroons. The weather was bad but the company was good and that's all that counts.

Bad Mama

2008-12-04T11:45:00.000-08:00

Well baby we went to Boston yesterday. We stopped in Salt Lake and you were a champ the whole day. You slept and didn't cry even when you were surrounded by screaming babies. It may be because of your concussion. You see..... We were chosen to be searched at LAX. I wanted to laugh when they patted you down. After it was over I went to put on the baby bjorn to carry you around so I set you on a chair thinking, "she doesn't roll yet. It'll be fine for a minute" and of course, you rolled right off and hit the crown of your head on the rubber mat below us and started crying. I think you were mostly scared but I felt terrible. It is the first time I've ever dropped you or you've fallen so I just started crying, in front of everyone. Someone wheeled my bag for me all the way onto the plane and others consoled me. One woman said, "Be strong. Keep it together". It wasn't until I got to Salt Lake that I noticed I still had big mascara smears on my face. I looked like a sleep deprived racoon. You on the other hand were fine after about 5 minutes. I pushed on the little red mark on your head and you didn't even wince. You have tiny little red ridge marks (mat burn) on your right temple but are otherwise fine. I, on the other hand feel like an crazy overreaccting mother. I guess it's okay. You won't be embarrassed of me for a few more years.

I might eat you

2008-11-19T21:25:00.000-08:00

So, I licked your foot today. I don't know why except to say that I could eat your whole body in one bite. You are scrumptious. When I licked your foot I was surprised because it was salty and I thought, "how odd?". Then it occured to me your dad has the skankiest, smelliest, sweatiest feet on the planet. You must've gotten those from him. Sometimes in the car I can smell them when he has socks and shoes on. I feel bad for the person in front of us if we go to a movie and it has stadium seating because I know they will suffer with his foot by their head. Your foot on the other hand is adorable and sweet. Salty with dew drops of baby sweat nectar. I will bottle it and save it for later.

You Stink

2008-11-17T21:02:00.000-08:00

So, I love you but you are smelly. You fart like a plumber. You poo out of your diaper constantly. Yesterday you pooped in the bath and it was the first time I noticed that you really understood that when I said, "Yukk! Gross!", it was because of something you did and you started to laugh. I couldn't help laughing too.

Baby's first trip to Utah

2008-11-12T14:50:00.000-08:00

We went to Utah for Maren's shower. It was your first trip there and first time on a plane. You were great. It was your first time in a snowstorm and your first time in Grandma's house. We all had a great time the whole week. Grandma Dava hurt her back and was on medicine that made her crazy. We all laughed at her. Auntie Maren looked round in the belly and cute. Your new little cousin is supposed to be born near mommy's birthday and I will perform a fourth term abortion if she steals it from me. You met a bunch of cousins for the first time too and the ones whom didn't get to meet you were so jealous of the ones graced with your hoboliciousness that they stabbed their eyes out. Cece was by far the most crazy about you. She talked about coming to meet you and couldn't wait. See, she could care less about me. She likes me fine but never really cared if I came or went but she was crazy about the idea of you from the start. She would lift up my shirt and talk to my pregnant belly and ask you to come out so she could hold you. It was so cute and I was so happy to have something about me that interested her. When she met you she was so excited. She wanted to watch you eat and get you dressed in your pajamas and put your pacifier in your mouth. Her mommy, Auntie Steph told her she was good at taking care of babies and her eyes lit up. If she likes Auntie Maren's baby more we will take her out.
Also, A hightlight for me was having Auntie Kerry take photographs of you. She takes great pictures and I was so happy she wanted to do it. She spent all day taking them and she didn't even care when you peed and pooped on her blankets and carpet. They turned out so cute I am so excited to get them.

My Wolverine

2008-11-10T05:13:00.000-08:00

I have always called you a wolverine. From the time I felt you in my stomach it felt like you were going nuts in there and clawing me. Your dad and I would wallk along the beach path every morning my entire pregnancy and you'd jump around and go bananas. I would say, "She's ripping down the wallpaper in there and hanging from the chandelier." I dubbed you my "vicious, vicious wolverine". Now that you are on the outside your noises only reinforce my nickname for you. From the baby monitor while you sleep come the noises of a cage at the zoo. Someone would think I was raising a pack of wolves in the room. You drool and eat your fist and for the first month of your life would scratch your face so badly that you always had red welts and marks with dried blood. Awww, my sweet sweet little wolverine.

Cold Hands

2008-11-04T16:32:00.000-08:00

Just like your mama you hate cold hands. I would yell at your dad if he touched my bare skin with his always- ice -cold hands. you are the same. you wimper and cry out if anyone puts the clammy mittens on you. The other day I took off your clothes and laid you on the changing pad for a few minutes while I rinsed out the tub. you were happy sitting there and staring at your croched dachshund. Then I brought you out to grandpa to see because you looked so chubby and cute. I had him hold you while I ran your bath. Well, gramps had cold hands and you shrieked and started to cry. he adjusted his hold on you so that he was only holding you with his arms and you would relax. With that combination of relaxation and the cold hands you commenced to pee all over him. He was soaked. He had to change his shirt, pants and underwear and he went and took a shower. That'll teach him to touch you with frosty the snowhands.

Everyone loves a Hobo

2008-11-02T20:32:00.000-08:00

Why is it that everyone loves a hobo? The appeal is of being a Hobo for Halloween is universal. You get to be messy and smelly, you get to have a cigar in your mouth and you don't get into trouble for it, you don't have to wear shoes outside, and you get candy for it.
Because your mom was the originator of the hobo-chic world view, atleast in our family, it was a given that you would be a hobo for your first Halloween. You are a wolverine, yes, but first and foremost a Hobobaby. The OG Hobobaby. I had so much fun making your costume and shamelessly used you to get candy from strangers. Hours of labor entitles me to this liberty. Also, since you were just over 2 months old it was an opportunity to share you with the neighbors and aquaintences we don't see very often. People went crazy for you with your buck toothed pacifier cigar combo and your bindle full of baby toys and mini booze bottles. It was so much fun I can't wait till next year.

Camping

2008-10-20T19:40:00.000-07:00

So, We went camping for your Uncle Sam's birthday and you went along. I thought I might be crazy because as of the day we left for our trip you had been sleeping exclusively in your swing so I was just gonna see how it went. It was so much fun and you slept in the tent like a champ. The second night it was so windy it was like we were in a white squall on the ocean but you didn't even shutter. I thought our tent was gonna get ripped from on top of us and thrown down the mountain. You went hiking, you didn't cry when daddy shot a rattlesnake and you didn't get upset when Sam and Suzie's dog peed on your diaper bag, carseat and tried several times to pee on you. He was trying to mark you as his. Guess that means he likes you but I wanted to kick him. I am the only one who gets to do that.

Nesting

2008-10-12T20:14:00.000-07:00

I am crazy and I know this. I didn't nest in the usual way that most pregnant women do. I didn't clean veraciously and fold clothes and decorate your room. I made barretts. Felt barretts, ribbons, ones with buttons, ones with beads, I went koo koo. Your dad came home and I was in a nest of my nesting. There were spools of ribbon everywhere and a hamster mess of felt pieces. But you were born with tons of gorgeous dark hair so I am convinced it was for a a reason. you could wear even the biggest ones right from birth and i thought you wouldn't be able to use them until you were a toddler. My hairy hairy hobobaby.

Who's got the button?

2008-08-28T21:08:00.000-07:00

So, your belly button fell off today. Grandma Terry was changing you and said, "Oh her navel is gone. When did it fall off?"

I said, "what do you mean?". I was panicked because Iwanted to keep it. I know it's gross but whatever. You were wearing one of those sweetpea gowns that your dad insisted on you wearing until you are 5 years old and the dried up stinky disgusting navel was rolling around in it and there was dried up blood on you. Delicious.

The good thing about it was now that has fallen off i get to have baths with you and I have been so looking forward to doing that.

2008-08-26T14:30:00.000-07:00

So, Wolverine, your mama has decided to chronicle your first vicious killing year on this earth. It's gonna rock.

You were born at 8:11 in the evening of August 20th (13 days late) after about 25 or 26 hours of labor. I didn't want to take any drugs (yes I am crazy). At one point I had what your Aunt Steph calls the "Why are there so many people?!!!" moment where I was in so much pain that I looked around and couldn't believe how many people were on the earth cause their moms had to do this for them to be here.

You had more hair than your dad and your body was covered in black fuzz. Even the back of your ears looked like your grandpa's, with earbrows, as i call them. Everyone was so excited to meet you.

Your Aunt Angel and Uncle Trey and your cousins Asia, Reese and Bailey were her visiting and Angel was on baby watch. she was so afraid she was gonna miss something she called me all the time. One of the days they went out as a family she came home and saw me and your dad outside with some friends and neighbors and she literally jumped out of the car while it was still moving and said, "What's going on?!! Are you going to the hospital?!!" We all laughed at her.

Grandma Dava and Aunt Steph flew out here to California to help me rest and learn how to take care of you. I was so happy to have the help because I was so exhausted and wrecked. You slept well and ate well except for after the "evil pacifier". It smelled like tic tacs (vanilla) and after sucking on it for a day you didn't want to nurse. I thought I was gonna have to put vanilla on my boobs to get you to eat.

Everyone loved you right away. You were so snuggly and had the cutest chubby cheeks. Grandma called you her little eskimo and Aunt Steph dubbed you PABFHA (perfect angel baby from heaven above). I wanted to eat your face and papa had to remind me constantly that I shouldn't make out with you.